April 13, 2011: Learning Journal 13

Finals are here.  Papers are due.  IRB is in.  Marathon Meeting is on the horizon.  I guess that means that this whole India thing really is happening after all?

I have less than a month before leave for India.  This week is hard to write a journal about because I feel like my feelings and general level of preparedness has fluctuated so much.  For right now though, I feel good.

We talked about a lot of important things in the field facilitator training meeting.  This was the meeting we attended to get on track for wrapping up the end of the semester and preparing for the last minute details before going into the field.  It is time for the logistics that we have been not answering all semester to come out with a vengeance.  I could do a 12 page journal on what we talked about alone, but it is all a bit daunting at the moment.  This is a snap shot what it looked like in my head (SAFETY AND SECURITY, FIELD FACILITATOR ROLE, ITINERARIES AND HTH....PRAY PRAY PRAY AND PRAY SOME MORE!).  Lots of good information, but a LOT of it.  Since I have not been to the field, these are the kinds of things that I am most afraid of.  Luckily I have a lot of people in the office, and Melissa, the previous facilitator, helping me out.

April 6, 2011: Learning Journal 12

This week we read one of my favorite readings that we do in the Field Study Preparation Course.  It is an article by Gary Ferraro called "Coping with Culture Shock."  While it focuses specifically on business men and women going abroad, there are some great lessons to be learned about what happens when we encounter culture shock.  This is definitely one of the readings that I want with me in the field, and no better way than keeping that on file that writing a learning journal about it.

One of the best things about this article is that it treats culture shock for what it is, being much more complex that merely what we experience when we first get off the plane and realize that things are bit different than we are used to.  He says that culture shock comes in four stages.

1. The Honeymoon- Everything is different, but there is something fun and romantic about it all
2. Irritation and Hostility- Here is what comes after the honeymoon.  A small number of problems become huge really fast, and all of the sudden all of those little differences from the honeymoon are frustrating. 
3. Gradual Adjustment- This is the passing of the crisis and a move towards "gradual recovery" (163).
4. Biculturism- The last stage represents full or near full recovery, and means that you have the ability to function in both cultures effectively.   

March 30, 2011: Learning Journal 11

I am going a little out of my norm to write a journal first before I do my weekly sources.  I am doing this for a number of reasons.  Most notable, however, is that I have a burning desire to write and figure out what my experience in India looks like to me.

This past week has been crazy.  I feel like my world has been knocked off it's axis.  I feel like I have surrendered but that life is still shooting at me.  I am dragging my feet on so many things simply because I have a serious side ache and do not know how I can keep on running.

This week has been panic mode in terms of India.  On Sunday, I went with my friend, Hailey, who is also going to India with me, to a slide show presentation of a guy who just got back from India.  It was not so much what he said, but the images that stirred something in me.  The videos too.  It just made me realize that I am leaving in just a little over a month, and putting the number on it really makes it seem all too close.  How can I be leaving in a month?  Why is my visa not taking care of itself?  My immunizations?  IRB?  State of mind for crying out loud?  And hey, don't I have finals or something like that coming up around the bend?

March 23, 2011: Learning Journal 10

It has been too long since I wrote a learning journal on this blog.  I never thought I would say that... but really, SO much has happened in two weeks.

First, let me say that I think that the inquiry conference was a great success!  My presentation went smooth, I actually won first place for the people's choice contest in the art show, and there were so many great presenters that aided my understanding of field studies.  Stay tuned and we'll get some recordings up!

Vice President Rogers gave a great presentation that had a lot of great advice and lessons that corresponded with field studies.  She talked about nurses wanting "good patients," or patients who were nice to them.  She found this interesting, because it meant that the patients were the ones taking care of the nurses.  In a field study context, I think this could work with a good informant.  What makes a good informant?  I think that it might be a little different than a patient, but it certainly is not someone who is just there to make sure you are taken care of and sheltered in your world view.  You need someone who genuinely cares but who is willing to tell you the truth and tell you when you are doing it wrong.

March 16, 2011: Learning Journal 9

As far as news, the Dalai Lama renounced his political leadership position, which will have all kinds of implications in Dharamsala.  I am interested to learn more about it since it is relatively new news.

This week was also a big one for being a field facilitator.  I emailed the housing coordinator and am waiting to hear back, but it just makes it so much more real making that first step.  Today we are doing a safety training at 3, which is something I have been thinking about for awhile.  Aside from having a rouge student, having to deal with a natural disaster, etc is one of the biggest fears about being a facilitator.  Stay tuned for more on that.

And on top of all of this, IRB and course contracts were supposed to be due.  I am still struggling to find someone to oversee my creative nonfiction contract.  It is stressful because in many ways I feel like this will be the most important part of my project.  I want it to be good, but what happens if I do not find anyone to work with me? 

March 9, 2011: Learning Journal 8

Remember that time Ashley told us that we were not supposed to lose sleep over our literature reviews and project proposals?  Well, I do not think she was referring to the IRB process.  It is almost two in the morning.  I have been sitting at this screen for hours drafting my second version, and when I finally finish this I am going to study for a Spanish test.  I write a disclaimer just so you know that this might not be the most coherent journal.  

I do have a lot to talk about from this week, however.  We had a facilitator training two days ago that Margaret conducted that looked at how each of us deal with conflict, stress, and communicate with others. Maybe my little stressed out rant is not so random after all.  This is one way I deal with stress.  I write.  However, you can also see that I am a serious perfectionist, and will continue to stay up however late to make sure that I never have a late assignment on my record.  I do not think this is healthy, and I do not recommend it.  Any suggestions?

Anyways.  Between all of us facilitators, we tend to be the kind of people who take on a lot of responsibility, even when it is not necessary.  In the context of a field facilitator, this could be a serious issue.  One of the things that they try and get into my brain is that I am not responsible for others experience, and I am not!  Still, what if someone decides they hate India and never want to leave the house again, or someone stays out too late, keeps breaking the rules after fruitless warnings, etc.  Surely I cannot let the weight of those personal problems impose on my own experience, but it is easy to articulate than do in practice.  I just want all of the students to have an amazing time.  I want everyone to be happy.  I want to be a good facilitator, etc.  But this I know will be something that I struggle with.  It was nice to get a lesson on it so that I can start preparing for that now.

As a part of this lesson, each of us did a bit of a personality test that looked at how we deal with conflict and react in stressful situations.  I am slightly addicted to personality tests if you know me at all, so I am going to happily record my results here. I wish I could say where this thing came from, but I forgot to make note of it and for whatever reason my computer is refusing to open up the attachment to find out.

From a list of categories, you were graded on a scale from 0-3, zero being not existent and 3 being the max.  I found that I had 2 points in withdrawing (which I can see sometimes, but I have zero points in avoiding, which is also really true.  I can thank my step-mom, my Okasan, for that one, so glad I learned to deal with conflict sooner than later.)

I also had 3 points for starting with heart (too true), learning to look, making it safe, mastering my story, and exploring others paths.

I got 2 points on stating my path and moving to action

No points with avoiding, masking, controlling, labeling, and attacking.

Which I think is a good thing.  I think that developing a good approach when dealing with stress and conflict is important because most people will not listen, and will just despise you for your criticism, if you go about it the wrong way.  There is a lot of stress that can go on in the field, and I just hope that I can find a balance with everyone where I can help them enjoy their experience but also have those conversations if they need to come up.

 We all have different styles of facilitating.  I am curious to see what mine will look like, but I am pretty sure that this lesson revealed a lot of it to me.

March 2, 2011: Learning Journal 7

To kick things off, I think that the most interesting thing I have learned about this week is reciprocity.  My good friend Maggie wrote a great blogspot about it that pretty much summarizes all of the things I felt when I went to Ghana, Africa last summer.  I highly encourage anyone to read it.

Reciprocity was also something we had the opportunity of discussing in the prep class on Monday.  Dave Shuller, the previous field studies coordinator, came in and gave us a brief lesson on it.  Reciprocity is really just a fancy way of saying the give and take in society, but it is something we as Americans are not so good with.  He says that the word itself needs to be fancy because then we will think about it more.  Some powerful rhetoric that we use over and over loses meaning, but he argued that this particular word is unique so that it will keep us thinking about this subject.

Dave said that the reason why Americans are not really great with reciprocity is because we operate on a contract system.  I've talked about this in my Peoples of India class too.  We seem to all act as contracting, independent individuals.  We see time as money, and money as the exchange for pretty much everything.  However, other cultures are much more interested in kinship.  Time is an investment, and being a part of a family is necessary.  Merely paying off our host family and getting them a nice present is not going to cut it.  That is not reciprocity.  That is the exchange of goods, what we are used to.

I wish that I could have learned more from Dave, and maybe I will get a chance to talk to him about it again, but a good recommendation he had was to bring a photograph.  As many issues as I sometimes have about the ethics of photography, it really is a great thing in a number of ways.  For one, I think it is a great ice breaker when it comes to getting into the community, and for reciprocity it is also priceless.  It is something that means just a little bit more than the average gift, and I think it can be appreciated for the most part across the board.

Still, this is such a sticky subject I do not know what to do about it this time around.  Do you have any ideas about proper reciprocity?  It would be nice to find something specific to Tibetans as well...

Speaking of community access, another important thing we discussed in class was the National Geographic photographer,  Stephanie Sinclair, who looked at the FLDS population.  She has some great insights in this interview about gaining access to the community.  As a photographer, this really speaks to me.  I never felt like I was able to really be okay taking pictures when I was in Ghana, and to hear how many months it took for her to get to that point helped me remember my limitations.  She also worked through a few gatekeepers, or people she had to get permissions from (such as the prophet, etc), and it was only then that she was able to do her work.  She had to go through this process through every different community she went to, but in the end she got some amazing footage that no one else has ever captured before.  In class we also talked about how humor was something that can help in getting access to a community.  For her, it was pretending to fall off a ladder in order to get some great smiles for that awesome first picture.

As far as other updates, I have completed my first IRB draft and am glad to report that I have not forgotten everything that I learned last year during the process.  I think this will be a much cleaner project, so maybe I will not have to go full board this time around.  I have gathered some pretty sweet sources for the week, including an official citation to why stories are important to this particular community.  Finally found it!  I am still looking for more support for that argument though.  Doing this makes me stop and look at my own paradigm and figure out what stories mean to our culture, and what they mean to me personally.  I am so excited to start this project!

And the best part?  It is really happening.  I bought my plane ticket and everything.  I am going a week earlier than my group to set up housing, and my friend Hailey (doing a field study in Deli) is coming with me!  After the program I am doing about 5 days of travel in North India, then I am doing four days in France and 4 days in Rome!  I am one lucky, happy girl.

February 23, 2011: Learning Journal 6

Has it really been another week already?

I guess so.  I think as far as preparing for my project goes, my favorite part was watching Seven Years in Tibet.  Since I had heard it was pretty Hollywood-ish, I was not prepared for much, but I was happily surprised.  I learned a few things about Tibet and Tibetans that I was not familiar with before.  One thing that stuck out was that they clap to warn off an evil presence, and stick their tongue out as a more favorable greeting.  I do not quite remember, but I think I once read that it is a way of showing respecting, but in the movie it seemed like a way of saying hello.  Something to look more into.

From the movie I also was introduced to butter tea.  Gay Lag, or TJ La my Tibetan teacher, told us that this is a very common drink.  I have talked to my roommate and she is down with us trying to make it so that I can try to get used to it.  I liked the end of the movie where the cup of tea is left for the person waiting to return.  I too hope I get a white scarf.  :)

But back on the subject of tea, there was something in our class discussion last week that made me realize that this is going to be a tricky subject.  Being a Latter-day Saint, we are not supposed to drink tea, but I know that there are different kinds of tea that are kosher.  I've never had tea around, so I have no idea what those are, or if I like any tea at all, but this will be a sticky situation in Dharamsala.  When talking about ethics, Jay asked us to think about what we will do when offered tea.  My immediate response was that I would say it is against my religion.  However, Breanne was in the class, and she let us know that it needs to be a personal responsibility thing because several students in the past have had the tea, so that excuse will not work.  I jokingly thought about saying that I was allergic (but I had better watch out, because I just found out that I really am allergic to fish, where I used to apply this excuse universally).  That probably will not fly either though.

The more I think about it, the more I am convinced that I just need to figure out what kind of tea is kosher and try to get used to it before I go.  Luckily I have awesome roommates who will support me in that.  However, I do run the risk of coming off rude or demanding, but if I approach it right I think it would be better than outright refusing it.  With people I am intimate with, like my host family, I will explain the situation, but for just doing down the street I have to have some idea of what I am going to do.  It reminds me of the book Three Cups of Tea.  Granted that is in Pakistan, but the whole idea behind it is that the first cup, you are a stranger, the second a friend, and by the third you are considered family.  No, it is not the exact same culture, but it is clearly more than just a cup of tea.

Methods practice 2 was also a good lesson for me.  It was helpful to see what it is going to take in order to pull of a more creative project.  It is something I am excited for, but it will be tricky to pull of the balance I need between personal experience and objectivity in what I do not understand.

As far as other reading, I am excited about the new sources I found.  Freedom in Exile: The Autobiography of the Dalai Lama I think will be a particularly fun and useful read.  It is something I want to put into my course contract this summer.  Hopeful a directed readings with Professor Aaron Eastley.  I am still on a mad search for a source that sites the Dalai Lama encouraging Tibetans to share their story with the world as Emily suggested.  I guess I will try again next week.

February 16, 2011: Learning Journal 5

I feel like so much has happened this week I do not even know where to begin.  I think I say that every week, but this time for real!  I think that the most interesting part of the week was putting together my project proposal draft.  It seems like it has been so long since I have dusted off the process, but I was happy that the second time around was much easier than the first time I wrote a project proposal.  I understand how everything works together now, which is helpful.  By drafting it I was also able to see where I need more work.  My methods section is taking forever to write, but I think I know what I want to say, but my literature review is a disaster.  I am having a hard time transitioning between the different sources I have found.  I may need to spend more time in the library.

I am really excited about the new sources I found though.  The book Method Meets Art by Patricia Leavy that Jay recommended was particularly useful.  It is something I have felt for the longest time but until now I had never seen any literature that could argue and articulate what it is I like to do on field studies with more artistic methods.  

Working on social situation triangles also made me realize how much I do not know about what I will be doing from a day to day basis.  In Ghana, I worked in the school and things were more structured.  Structured as in I knew where I was going each day and was not completely relying on serendipity.  This project is going to be a lot different than that.  It is exciting but also kind of scary.  Browsing through different parts of the triangles was helpful, but I think that until I get there I will not be able to really fill in the gaps.  I have no doubt that I will be able to, but it is hard to just imagine it having not been there before. 

Last class period was also really interesting.  We looked at descriptive questions and interviewing, but rather than just talk about it we acted it out.  Natalie was our informant, and the rest of us tried to ask descriptive questions.  Ashley pointed out that our techniques for asking questions were all very different and individual, but I still am not solid on what my niche is.  I think it is easier to do it in real life than in role playing somehow though.  When I have genuine interest in the subject it just comes easier.  Still, I recognize the need to practice because until you find that balance it is hard to know where to start- and I could lose some great first interviews trying to figure it out!  I practiced with my best friend Rachel.  With a project as broad as mine, (and being a pretty private person), I tried to ask questions about her life that would not make her feel uncomfortable or respond with short, uninteresting answers.  I found that some of my favorites were grand tour and mini tour questions though.  I asked her to tell me what a typical day for her looked like in high school which got me some interesting stories I did not anticipate.  Example questions were also helpful here.  I think it was Natalie, but someone in class talked about how it is easier for someone to talk about what an average person would say about a situation than to express their own opinions, so I asked Rachel how someone would probably describe the advantages and disadvantages of living as a BYU student in Provo.  She was less bashful about her opinions when it seemed less personal.  This is a new skill I want to use.

February 9, 2011: Learning Journal 4

The focus of my research of the week was to look at the story aspect of my project.  Why do we tell stories?  How can I find literature that will support my desire to collect them?

I found a lot of interesting and scattered information.  I found that there is such a thing as narrative inquiry, which is slightly different than narrative theory, and many people are using it in the field of education and psychology as a quantitative research method.  If I were still going down the route of why Tibetans specifically tell stories, I think this would be an appropriate route.  However, I think I still need to be more broad.  I liked what Margaret Atwood said about language and stories being fundamentally human, and it is what makes us so unique.  It goes right down the lines of what Emily Bell was talking about in her project proposal while preparing for Dharamsala.

One of the biggest concerns I am facing right now with my literature is just finding the correct searches.  Even when I plug in four or five of the most appropriate keywords, I am getting thousands of options pop up!  I just want to make sure I am getting the most credible sources.  I think next time I am going to take a look at Emily's bibliography again.

Another theme of this week was the possibility of meeting H.H. the Dalai Lama.  After watching the documentary 10 Questions for the Dalai Lama I could not help but ask Ashley if it would be at all possible for me to at least attempt it.  I got a green light.  From this documentary, I also learned more about the importance of asking great questions and the danger of making broad sweeping accusations such as smile=happy.  That was one of the most distracting things about the film.

As far as questions and interviewing goes, my second informal interview practice was really helpful and successful.  Of course, to really get a good story and to have all the elements that I would like to have when I write stories about the people of Dharamsala, I would have to meet more than once, but it is a good start!  So I am happy about that.  The readings and activities that we did in class all last week and this week have been helpful to refresh on those tricks to getting a good interview.

Last, I am little concerned about some of the problems going down in Dharamsala right now.  I got a facebook message the other night from Melissa, the previous field facilitator for this location, and it was not good news.  The Karmapa, one of the most important leaders for Tibetans (sometimes even believed to be the next person to replace the Dalai Lama when he passes away), has been accused of being a Chinese spy.  They found over a million dollars in cash, many of it Chinese currency, stashed away in his monastery.  2,000 Tibetans gathered around this week to show their support for him, but this could have serious implications with the Indian relations.  I hope that it simmers down and proves to be false, but this could prove to be something that has a big impact on our experience studying there.   

February 2, 2011: Learning Journal 3

Let's see.  What happened this week....

Well, my talk with Melissa was incredibly informational for a number of reasons.  The logistics of field facilitating in Dharamsala, India, of course, was something I had been longing to hear about, but there were other concerns that came up- things that I really was not thinking about until I talked with her.

I guess I knew that Dharamsala would be a world different than my experience in Ghana, but I did not realize how different.  Almost nothing will be similar, and I need to expect that.  I am a person who has a lot of lofty expectations for myself and my life, and because I had such an awesome experience in Ghana I am worried that I will be disappointed if I expect to find the same thing in McLeod.  Of course, I know that this will also be a wonderful adventure and learning opportunity, but I have to go in with no expectations so that I find it.  It is apples and oranges.  In many ways, I think that going on a previous field study to a different location could be harder than if I was just stepping off the plane for my first trip like the others in my group.  Knowing myself, if I brace myself for the differences I will be okay.  I am not so much worried about using the deficit theory (looking for what one culture lacks in perspective to my own) with my American paradigm, but with my alumni field study paradigm from Ghana.  Isn't this interesting!?  I did not anticipate this, but I know if I do this right I will have another life changing field study in India.

As far as other concerns, I know that my avatar method and story gathering will go hand in hand, but I am struggling to find the words to defend it.  It is like I am looking at the process of story telling within myself but also with others, and analyzing the editing process.  I just do not want to make it look like I am hating on storytelling.  Rather, I want to expose the nature of the beast so that we do not take every account as a solid fact.  It is more fluid than that, and I hope that I can find stories that demonstrate this overlap process.

Another important change based on this weeks research was looking at the population of McLeod.  Based on my interview with Melissa, I discovered that in order to do a project that looks at the diversity in Dharamsala, I cannot limit myself to McLeod where only Tibetans live in order to preserve their cultural identity.  She said that most outsiders have come to the location just for tourism, but there were some rural farmers on the outskirts that were probably the indigenous to that region who would be an interesting population to talk to, although she never did.  I am glad that there is some diversity to play with here, but at the same time I am still struggling to find an academic source that talks about it.  Maybe it is one of those things that I really will just have to wait until I get there.

On a not so academic note, I do not know what to do about travel when it is all said and done.  I was going to go to Paris with other members from my group, but I still want to travel around south India.  I don't want to do it by myself!  Decisions decisions. Any recommendations?

January 26, 2011: Learning Journal 2

It really has been quite the week in developing my creative writing project in Dharamsala, India for this spring and summer field study.  In many ways I feel like I am experienced in what field work looks like, but at the same time this new project I am constructing is so different from what I was studying last summer in Ghana (looking at attitudes towards literature).

What I am most excited for is that unlike my experience in Ghana, McLeod Ganj will be less structured.  Before I was waking up everyday to go to school where sometimes my time was spent well, and other times it did not do much.  Because looking at the different stories that make up the community will be so much more broad, I will have the freedom to spend my time hunting down the stories that will be most meaningful to me.  Do not get me wrong, I think that structure is good in a variety of cases, but for me, this time I think that going with the snowball sampling is really going to be most beneficial.  At the same time, without that structure getting access to the community and finding my audience could be a lot trickier than it was in Ghana.

So here is where I am at.  After reading Emily Bell's project proposal and final project after doing a creative writing project in the same location I will be going to, I am confidant that this is what I want to be studying.  The most heartening thing I got from her papers was that the Dalai Lama has encouraged newcomers to the community to share their stories with the world.  In Emily's experience, Tibetans were more than willing to share their personal stories.  This is good news for me, but there are also others people dwelling in Dharamsala that I want to include in this portrait I am doing of the location.  I do not know how willing they will be to share their stories, and of course, ethics are going to be something I have to keep in mind the entire time.

Also, as far as my avatar method (different lenses and mediums I experiment with to show the nature of narrative), I will have a different experience this time around.  In Ghana, I had five that were looking at different aspects of my own personality.  The first three worked out really well.  They were a photographer, a romantic anthropologist, and a postmodern writer.  However, my native avatar and "experiencer" avatar were not quite so successful.  I think that my "experiencer" has some potential, I am just not sure what to do about it yet.  Here is a basic sketch of what avatars I think I will bring with me to McLeod Ganj, India.  I won't take them all, I just have to get my ideas out there.

The Photographer (though may need to do some modifications based on type of photography)
The Romantic Anthropologist (because someone needs to tackle the student portion of the project)
The Tourist (could be very effective, especially with being in a tourist community and being a foreigner myself)
The Postmodern Writer (someone with my own voice who will tell stories creatively)
The Poet (a new one! but I think it could be very viable)
The Experiencer (can I work it to make it worthwhile?)

Any other ideas out there?  I am so excited to get started!  Maybe a methods practice will be beneficial for me....

January 19, 2011: Learning Journal 1

Wow, our workshop in the facilitator prep class yesterday was really useful for me.  Each of us looked at the different aspects of our project to make sure all of the pieces fit together, and surprise surprise, I have some work to do.  I now have a better idea of how to be grounded and to trim my project accordingly.  Let me just show you what my initial question was, and then what it turned into...

First, I'll like to say that before I went to class my question was even more different.  My beginning project idea was to look at how both Indians and Tibetans retain their religious identity in a tourist community.  I still like that idea, but I guess it just did not spark.

Initial Question for Class: What role do stories play in preserving cultural identity in Dharamsala, India?

By the end of class I came up with this new project question: "What populations and stories make up the current identity of McLeod Ganj, India?"

It needs some work, but it is more where I want to be.  I will be continuing the method that I used in Ghana using different avatars to explore the nature of experience and the authenticity of our narratives abroad.  How does this method fit my  new topic?  Well, I think that while I am gathering stories and putting together a creative writing project that gives this sort of conglomerate portrait of this unique location, I need to show the selection process that goes along with that.  Yes, stories are incredibly important, but I still believe, especially since my work in Ghana, that we need to raise skepticism about how they are produced, and recognize them for what they really are.  Limited, subjective interpretations of our fragile memories and experiences.

So that brings us to today!  I guess my apprehensions at this point come from not knowing what I will be doing day to day, or what collecting stories looks like.  Ashley said that I lose my focus and grounding when I start exploring the literature culture in the location, and I totally agree, but I was reassured this does not mean I cannot attend a poetry reading.  Haha, still.  After all this reading of different populations in India with their oral traditions I have a peeked curiosity.