Another Project Update: The End is in Sight

I am very behind updating, but here are some highlights of what is going on with my honors thesis and eBook.

• ·          I submitted my thesis to the Honors Department. It is not perfect, but it felt great to turn it in with my bulky portfolio of undergraduate highlights. 

•  I am defending my thesis on February 27 at 12! My overseer is Professor David Laraway. My referee is Professor Gideon Burton, and Professor John Bennion is my honors faculty mentor.
• I submitted “Om Mani Padme Hum” to the Mayhew Essay Contest here on campus. I’m not sure when I will hear back, but I feel good about the submission. I changed my ending and feel a little more comfortable with it, though I still think it is the hardest piece I have ever had to write.
• I'm presenting this research on how digital technology can enhance cross-cultural experiences at the 2012 Inquiry Conference next week.
• Looking at options for publishing. Apple came out with a new self-publishing platform that is supposed to be easy to use. I need to look into this and other options. My friend Brett also started his own publishing company, so I want to compare and contrast the benefits of doing it myself or having him publish. I wasn’t planning on charging, but he would; I guess that changes things. I still have a lot to explore. I want to have this figured out by March so I can complete my project before I graduate in April.
• I also met with Professor Scanlon, the director of the Honors Program for an exit interview. I really enjoyed having an opportunity to talk to him about what I gained from my experience with Field Studies and the Honors Program. I believe the fourth aim of a BYU Education, promoting “life-long learning and service,” best describes what these two programs combined did for my undergraduate experience. If you would have told me five years ago when I was a freshman that I would have been to five continents, completed two Field Studies, presented at four conferences, published my work, helped on three undergraduate, peer-reviewed journals, volunteered to put on a conference, started writing a novel (I'm meeting with an agent in March!), established great connections with professors, interviewed for Teach for America, and had the opportunity to teach a class for a job, I would have laughed in disbelief. I want to laugh in disbelief now! I love that the Honors Program—the classroom education, as well as my thesis—helped me learn to think for myself so that I can go forth with a love for learning and a passion to serve.

I guess the end is in sight. A light at the end of the tunnel (and I hope it is not a train). I have had a fantastic undergraduate career. I feel ready to leave, but it is so bitter sweet.

Stay tuned to hear what I do about my defense and pending eBook!

(Photo credit to Seeking Equilibrium)

Mock Thesis Defense: Justifying Blogging When I Could Be Revising Essays

I have a serious need to repent.  I intended to write this post over a week ago, but here we are.  Let's be honest-I just collapsed after finals and fell off the radar.  But now it is time to get back in the game, and without further delay because my honors thesis is due January 16th.

I want to take a minute and comment on what I have learned from my mock thesis defense and from my latest post that goes over a draft of my final essay in my collection, "Snot and Untold Stories."  The mock thesis defense was done as a final presentation in my Thesis Writing class.  Another student who acted as my representative contacted Professor Burton and received some good questions to ask me, one of which was this: how do I justify spending valuable time blogging and focusing on the digital component of my thesis when I could spend that time doing much-needed revising?

It is a good question, and after my latest post highlighting concerns with my essay I am more equipped to answer it.

Since posting my latest draft, I have received a few great comments with invaluable feedback.  While I admit I have not had as many people comment as I would have liked, the comments I did receive were incredible.  Shara, who I connected with while in India, took a good chunk of time to give me some much-needed suggestions.  Had I not blogged about this draft, I would not have received that feedback.  In this case, blogging has actually aided me in the traditional revision process.

A second, less obvious benefit to blogging that I have discovered within the last few weeks, has been that I am held accountable to a "real" audience.  Within a day after posting my essay, the German friend I met on the bus mentioned in my essay, who I renamed Charley, contacted me and mentioned he read it.  My initial reaction was concern.  Had I really represented him accurately?  For all of my talk of authenticity, was I holding to it?  The truth is I fused a little bit of a later conversation I had with a history major friend to include a few of the Vietnam details.  By having this post I am acknowledging the fragile nature of storytelling while also being held accountable to an immediate audience.  This is not available in mainstream publishing.

In conclusion, while blogging and adding this digital component of my thesis can be time consuming and daunting, I am glad to have done it.  At the end of the day I would rather have my ideas shared and available to read than have them be perfect.

(Photo credit goes to cs.cmu.edu)

Snot and Untold Stories

"Snot and Untold Stories" is the last essay in my collection which looks at what I learned about the Tibetan situation (and American situation) while I was in India.  It seeks to address the indescribable and untouchable parts of my experience that I could not quite translate- yet, the stories were still there.

I have not received a lot of feedback on this essay yet, but am looking forward to some here in the near future.

Here are some posts that have helped pave the way for this essay:

• A blog post about my host grandma
• A first draft of my essay (forthcoming)
• The LHA Website
• My book review of Tibet, Tibet
• My book review of the Autobiography of the Dalai Lama
• My thoughts at the Pakistan/Indian border 
• Me, talking through a recent draft 
• Realizations about social media benefits in light of this essay while challenging authenticity

(Photo credit  istock)

Om Mani Padme Hum: Compassion, Charity, and a Headache

This was potentially the hardest piece of writing I have ever tried to write.  This essay explores my difficulties coming to terms with charity and compassion within myself and my group members.

The biggest change I have made to this essay has been trying to make it more objective at the advice of Professor Bennion.  I've tried to do so, meaning I've been forced to try and make sense of it and see it from all angles.  It is still a work in progress, but I think I am getting closer.

I'm also trying to add more descriptions and make the writing more clear in general.  I'm having some of the same issues I had with "A Bus to Dharamasla" in keeping the present and past separated. 

Here are some posts that helped inspire this essay:

• Listen to the Om Mani Padme Hum mantra for compassion
• A few segments from a first draft (forthcoming)
• Maybe a few journal entries (forthcoming)
• Feedback from Professor Bennion (especially the victim and objectivity parts)
• I need more ideas...

A Slightly Unconvincing, but Trying to be More so, Defense of Marriage

This is the third essay in my collection about me grappling with the idea of marriage while I was in India.  I had a good time writing this, though I have not done enough drafting yet.  Here are some changes I have made/want to make so far.

More setting details, a better conclusion, reorganizing material so that I am not "spilling the beans too early" as Dr. Burton says.

Here are some posts that have been foundational to this essay:

• A  first draft (forthcoming)
• A blog post about my relationship with Patrick
• Attending a Tibetan wedding
• Journal entry/realization that I need to decide where I stand with marriage (forthcoming)
• Getting my palm read

(Photo credit to Wikipedia)

Monks and Mormons

My essay "Monks and Mormons" is the second one in my collection.  It is not yet in a form I am satisfied with, but it has come a long way. It addresses my disillusionment with Buddhism as I came to learn more about it and better understanding and appreciating my own religious beliefs.  I used to think that if I were not a Mormon I would be a Buddhist, but after this summer I've learned that this is not so.  Though I still have loads of appreciation for Eastern religious philosophy and love the Buddhists I met, I am happy being Mormon.

General changes?  Trying to make it a more interesting read, making episodes clearer,  being more articulate and respectful about the differences between these two religions, and changing the title and beginning of the essay.

Here are some posts/drafts/field note entries that document the journey of this essay:

• My first terrible draft
• A journal entry (forthcoming)
• FAQ on 1st week in McLeod Ganj (have I met the Dalai Lama yet)
• Third Time Seeing the Dalai Lama video
• Yoga teacher training
• Varanasi email to my parents
• Varanasi scene I never got around to using, but I might do something with in the future

(Photo Credit Charleston Tibetan Society)

A Bus to Dharamsala

"A Bus to Dharamsala" was the first essay and only personal essay I began drafting while I was in India.  Because it has been around the longest, I've had lots of much needed drafting and work shopping done with it.  Major changes include changing characters, being more explicit about what I learned about myself on this journey, transitioning from past to present more clearly, adding more sensory detail, and fixing minor (but important) errors like calling Copernicus Copernicus and not CoPORNicus. 

Here are some important steps I made getting this essay to a polished state:

• My blog post talking about my first bus ride to Dharamsala which is what this is based on
• A first draft
• A third draft
• Feedback from Professor Bennion
• A blog post about my relationship with Patrick
• My Ghana blog

(Photo credit Audleyblog.com)

Integrating Blogging into my Personal Essays

After meeting last week with one of my faculty mentors, Dr. Burton, I have a lot on my mind in terms of this honors thesis and ebook I am trying to create.

I sent all 87 pages of my manuscript to Dr. Burton.  He printed them out.  All of them.  They were stacked there in the middle of his desk.  It was nice to see how much work I have done, but unsettling how much of that pile still in desperate need of editing.  While I am not anticipating publishing my ebook until March, my honors thesis needs to be turned in by January 15th.  I would panic, but I don't think I have time to.

So now that I am in crunch time, where am I at?  What do I need to do?  Well, for starters I'm going to create 5 hub posts about each of my 5 essays.  In the printed format of my thesis, there will be typed URL's if a reader wants to find out more about the blog posts that made up this essay, earlier drafts, critiques, etc. to document the journey.  The eBook format will include hyperlinks.

I'm also changing up my introduction and post script to be more argumentative about blogging by acknowledged the Pandora's Box that comes with it.  I need to include more sources on blogging, though with it being such a new medium it is difficult to find them.  That should be noted in my intro.

So in addition to traditional revisions, keep a look out for some funky experiments on this blog.

(Photo credit forbes.com)

General Update

I thought this Thanksgiving break was going to be magical.  In five days, I was sure I could get all of my homework done (including reading four books), catch up on Nanowrimo, draft another essay for my thesis, revise my five essays, write a chapter for my novel by Tuesday, and draft two final papers for class.

What can I say?  I tried.

Here is what I did get done in terms of this project.  I got more active on Twitter, made lists, and downloaded Tweetdeck to my computer to try and sort through all of my tweets. 

I got somewhat caught up on Nanowrimo and searched through different writing groups.  I've learned since starting my own group that joining one that is already functioning is a lot easier that trying to get people to be as excited about it as I am...

I'm now almost finished drafting the introduction to my personal essays for my honors thesis and eBook. 

I also started revising my essays on compassion, marriage, and untold stories.  My goal is to have new drafts of all five of my current essays to my professors by the end of the week. 

As much as I wanted to include seven essays in this project, time is running out.  I'd like to include one more, if possible, but so far I am at 70 pages in my thesis, all of which need serious revision.  My original goal was to have all of my essays in decent drafts by December 1st.  That is this Thursday.  Crazy as it sounds, I still think I'm going to shoot for that by having an intro, acknowledgments page, and six working essays.

Self Publishing Thoughts

As Professor Burton has pointed out to me, I need to be working on the digital component of my personal essay project while I am drafting.  This way, I can promote my eBook and connect with a perspective audience before they are even finished.

I'm trying to get more connected with the writing networks available online.  I attended an online chat session a few weeks ago and found some of their blogs which have been a fantastic starting point.  I came across the blog Literary Lab, kept by writers Domey Malasarn, Scott G.F. Bailey, and Michelle Davidson Argyle.  In this blog, I found a great post on self publishing that is frank and honest about some of the ins and outs of self-publishing.  Here are some points I learned that I need to focus on as I think about my eBook.

Price- The author of this post argues that you need to put just as much time and funding into the professional look and editing of your book.  She really emphasized making the cover captivating.  I've got some photographs, but I wonder if I should start looking at this more seriously, and sooner than i thought.

And off of that point, I was not planning on charging anything for this eBook.  To me it was more important to just get the information out there and promoting my first publication than to make any money.  This blog post also talked more specifically about how much it cost to make her first book and how much she made in the end.

If self publishing book is what I want to do in the future for a career, then this would be really important to learn sooner than later.

Revising and an Update

I am up to my head in personal essays needing serious, surgical, life-threatening revision.  I was hoping to get around to more of that this weekend, but after pumping out a new draft, "Snot and Stories" that looks at the Tibetan situation, my thoughts on America, etc, I was short on time.  I'm glad to have a new essay out, but I'm noticing a few themes I need to work on.

First, as Professor Bennion said, I need to work on being more objective in my essays.

Second, at Professor Burton's advice, I need to include a lot more setting detail.  India is sensory overload, and I need to portray that.  I want to.  I can see it quite clearly still.  I just have to go back and fill it all in.  Hopefully that brings it to life a bit better.

And third, at my own personal critique, I want to have a nicer form for my next essay.  I've been poking around in The Art of the Personal Essay, an anthology I reviewed here, trying to find a potential form I could imitate.  Reviewing the intro was also helpful.  It confirmed what I have already discovered.  Personal essay writing is downright vulnerable!  I keep coming back to Virginia Woolf.  Even though I know I'm never going to be as cool as her, and that her style just doesn't fit my voice as well as I'd always hoped it would, I want to try it for at least one.  Just to see...

Another large, overriding issue I need to work out is the honors requirements for a creative thesis.  I thought I was on top of it, but after checking out two previous students theses from the library (Emily Davis "To England and Back" and Elizabeth K.M. Busby "Life Expectant") I think I'm supposed to be working more on a fancy intro and abstract than on a more research looking paper.  Hmm...

Reading these theses was a great experience though.  Both were former students of my honors advisor, Professor Bennion.  I identified more with Emily's work and themes, but in each it was nice to see just what kind of subjects I can take up and play with in a personal essay.  It's also fun to turn the pages between the blue covers, knowing that if I finish this and do it well, maybe some kid in the future will do the same with my thesis someday. 

Back to Connecting

I've spent the last few weeks in the drafting process of my personal essays for my honors thesis and eBook.  However, as Dr. Burton as advised me, I need to continue working on connecting.  The cool thing about my eBook is that I can promote it before it is even finished.

So I've done a lot of general connecting, exploring the ins and outs in India, but it is time to start targeting people who might be interested in my essays.

What I have done so far:

• Commented on others blogs
• Made friends
• Joined Twitter (here is my profile link)
• Started sharing my writing with my family
• Created a writing group with 8 awesome writing friends to workshop and hold discussions
• Joined nanowrimo.  This is a site that gets you to challenge your writing goals to celebrate national writing month in November.  There is no way I will hit 50,000 words, but I am hoping to connect with other writers and get to know the students in my novel writing class better.
• Participated in an online chat with some legit writers.  I'm going to join in again this coming Thursday.

What I Want to Do Next:

• Comment more on other peoples blogs and find new blogs
• Start looking into the author section of goodreads.com and try to connect with people who have similar interests.
• Look at other writers blogs and follow forums on self publishing
• Keep it coming! Both drafts and blog updates.
• Review the eBook Writing about Literature in the Digital Age and start to think about how to format my own eBook

ORCA Grant Proposal Submitted!

As part of my eBook project I'm going to publish of personal essays from Dharmasala, I decided to apply for an ORCA grant through my university.  It is a grant for research and/or creative projects for undergraduates who are working with a faculty mentor.  There is 1/3-1/2 chance that I get it, which means $1,500 for me, and $300 for my faculty mentor on this project, Professor Gideon Burton.

I'm created a new page with my ORCA proposal if you are interested in viewing it.

(Photo credit goes to drawinghowtodraw.com)

Feedback from Professor Bennion

Well, I now have four rough drafts of some personal essays to include in my upcoming eBook and honors thesis.  The first essay, a bus ride to McLeod, but also through my thoughts and motivations to travel; another essay on my disillusionment with Buddhism; one on the complex nature of charity; and another on making sense of marriage.  I've been working closely with Professor Burton and Professor Bennion on revisions, and so that is the goal of this week.

But I've learned something in the process.  Personal essays are hard.  Vulnerable, embarrassing at times, soul mining, and more.  All of the ethical questions I explored in Ghana regarding creative nonfiction are staring at me right in the face.  Yet, I have to be honest.  I have to be accurate if they are ever going to get off the ground.  This is a unique opportunity for me to revisit India in a way I never was able to with Ghana, to make sense of it and create something that others can read and understand something of what I have experienced in a way that is meaningful.  

Here are some sections of general advice that Dr. Bennion gave me this week that I found extremely helpful, particularly on how to be more objective in my writing of a personal essay:

Third Draft of A Bus to Dharamsala

A third draft of my personal essay, "A Bus to Dharamsala"

A Bus to Dharamsala:

Me

Life happens on the way to somewhere else.  For me this tends to be quite literal—public transportation.  This is one of those times: 

It was my first time in India. The pretext?  A leadership opportunity for a small international study program offered through my university.  It was a chance to do four months of undergraduate research in Dharamsala, the headquarters of the Tibetan Government in Exile and home of the Dalai Lama.  On this particular occasion the “deluxe” night bus that was supposed to take me the horrendous twelve hour journey from Delhi to Dharamsala broke down.

 It was two in the morning.

First Draft Monks and Mormons

This is a first draft of the final essay I have in my personal essay collection titled "Monks and Mormons."

What Buddhism is and what it is not:

The Dalai Lama

            Who wouldn’t want to meet the Dalai Lama?  I know I did, long before I had heard of Tibet or knew that he was associated with one of the many sects of Buddhism.  Buddhism was so vogue and sexy to me.  I dreamed of coming to India to learn how to meditate and find peace within myself since no amount of self-help books and cute motivational posters were helping much with the whole life contentment thing I was supposed to be working on.  I guess I wasn’t the only one who sought out Buddhism either, because Western backpackers flooded in from all the corners of the world to find God something else in Mcleod Ganj, home of His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama.

            My first week in India I had the opportunity to see His Holiness.  My group of fellow students and I lined up under the bright, festive prayer flags in the blistering heat among the mix of natives and tourists for hours just to watch him drive past—an important event which I mistakenly called “that Dalai Lama thing” for which I was reprimanded by a local shopkeeper.  I stood in the crowd with eager anticipation, but as initial life in India goes, I had a wave of “Delhi belly” come over me and had to sprint up temple road to find the nearest public squatter (my first public squatter if I might add, and I would tell you all about it but I think I would rather spare you the details).  By the time I made it back the Dalai Lama had long come and gone.  The crowed was dispersing back to the regular routine of life, and I pushed against the current to hear what I missed.  Some of my group members related the experience to me:  Bonnie caught a glimpse of his elbow, Kristen didn’t realize what car he was in until after he past, and lame as the drive by was, I felt disappointed the way you do when you first learn that Santa isn’t real.

The Best American Travel Writing 2010 by Bill Buford

The Best American Travel Writing 2010 by Bill Buford

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

As part of thepersonal essays I am writing about my experience in Dharamsala, India this summer, I read selected essays for different models onwriting in this genre. It was hit and miss, but I have comments on a few that stood out to me in terms of content and form.

1.       Appointment in Istanbul by Henry Alford

Content:           This is the first essay in the collection.  The fact that this story took place in Istanbul is beside the point.  The moral of the story could be gained from the first few lines.  “Sometimes what you get is not what you thought you wanted.  I had just broken up with my boyfriend of ten years back in New York, and had flown to Istanbul to sightsee my heartbreak away” (1).  Of course, the narrator does not forget about the personal baggage, which is made quite clear in the last, ironic paragraph, “thanks for helping me forget about my break up” (3). 

The Art of the Personal Essay: An Anthology from the Classical Era to the Present by Phillip Lopate

The Art of the Personal Essay: An Anthology from the Classical Era to the Present by Phillip Lopate

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


As I have been working on some of my own personal essays from my travels in India, this has been like my Bible. I'm just going to attach some of my responses on the form and content of selected essays. It can be daunting to try and sift through the entire anthology (it is huge, I know, I backpacked it all over Europe and India) so I hope this can help someone:

First Draft of A Bus to Dharamsala

Here is one of the first drafts of my essay, "A Bus to Dharamsala." 

A Bus to Dharamsala:

Me

Life happens on the way to somewhere else.  For me this tends to be quite literal—public transportation.  This is one of those times: 

It was my first time in India. The pretext?  A leadership opportunity for a small international study program offered through my university—a chance to do four months of undergraduate research in Dharamsala, the headquarters of the Tibetan government in exile and home of the Dalai Lama.  On this particular occasion the “deluxe” night bus that was supposed to take me the horrendous twelve hour journey from Delhi to Dharamsala broke down.

 It was two in the morning.

Things were already not going so well—including (but not limited to) having a drunk man conk out on my shoulder the entire nine hour flight from Amsterdam to India despite attendants desperate efforts to relocate him, getting a hotel door slammed in my face (reservations are apparently irrelevant) at another dead hour of night, having group members inform me last minute of their flight cancelations, and having said group members show up at the airport anyways when their flights were not in fact cancelled with zero means of contacting me.  Now this?

Two in the morning.  A twenty something year old girl with minimal leadership experience, no phone, no skill with any of the hundreds of local languages, and no university permission to be taking a night bus to start with.  Perfect.

Talking with Dr. Burton: Project Updates!

After talking with Dr. Burton, my faculty mentor for my field study project and overseer or my Digital Civilization course contract, I've learned a few things about where I am and where I need to go from here:

First, I need to draft, draft, draft my personal essays!  So far I have been able to do two, but I have a tentative date to be semi finished with them by December 1st so I can get on to the digital aspect of them and create my eBook.  I've been a terrible perfectionist lately, and Dr. Burton had to talk me off the ledge and let me know that I should be sending him stuff early on in the process.  Personal essays are just so vulnerable, and I think that it is scary!  I'm overcoming that though.  It should be a good exercise in general to stop editing like mad, especially if I am going in the wrong direction.

I also learned that as I am drafting these essays, I need to be thinking about audience and basically market my essays- sell my product before it is finished. 

To do this I need to first, believe it is possible, and second, figure out how to do it.