Time to spill the beans—hold your breath, things just got really personal.
His name is Patrick.
Behind every post, every assignment, and every experience, there is a boy somewhere behind the scenes that I have failed to mention. Go ahead—roll your eyes, I probably would have a year ago too. This one is very important to me—and that is why I need your advice.
Patrick and I have not been dating for very long, but it did not take much time to figure out that the whole lose your breath, lose your mind, Hollywood and novel type love is not just a fantasy. Usually when I go abroad I put all relationships on hold in order to fully experience where it is I am going and really be there. I’m a traveler, and a field study student—it is just what you do. But with Patrick the thought of dropping him could never cross my mind. The verdict? Long distance relationship.
I’m not very good or experienced with long distance relationships, let alone one from literally half a world away (give or take about hundred miles, as far away from you as humanly possible at 12,940 miles) with expensive and poor quality communication. The first two weeks were hell, the first month a crash course, and I think now at month two in the field I am starting to figure out how to really balance a boy and a field study abroad—the two of which are both extremely important to me.
Thankfully we are now both at a point where we can both enjoy our personal lives and support each other in our own corners of the world and really be present in our own lives apart. Cutting back on the amount and volume of communication has been a big help, and we are also starting to realize some of the positives in our situation that other relationships don’t get to enjoy.
Right now Patrick and I are in a really healthy place, but I think we could both use some advice if any of you out there who have any “been there, done that” thoughts. Does travel always compete with meaningful relationships, or is there room in our hearts to share? I know this might sound silly for some of you more seasoned travelers, and maybe less so to the married folk, but I’d welcome any advice- because we'll probably be doing the long distance dance till the end of April.
I was wondering when you'd finally write about him! I don't have any great advice unfortunately. I've never really loved someone enough to try to work at a long distance relationship before, especially while in the field. I wouldn't say that travel always completes with meaningful relationships--I think your experiences abroad are definitely a part of you that you can share with others (especially the ones you love the most). I'd imagine they're even more fun when you drag that special someone along WITH you :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, how exciting!!! That's got to be a wonderful adventure, even if it's not fun to be separated so far. Long-distance relationships are a pain! Somehow I'm stuck in them more often than I date people nearby. You can make it work, though. I have a whole tome on "How to Do Long-Distance Effectively" that a friend wrote as advice for me a few years ago. This friend did long distance for her entire two years of grad school - she was in DC, her now-husband was in Hawaii. The insight is fabulous. I'll happily email it to you if you shoot me your email address?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the insights! Yeah, it has been quite the adventure trying to figure out. Christa, I would love that email if you could send it! My email is racheladventure@gmail.com
ReplyDeleteJohn Donne said it best in "A Valediction Forbidding Mourning"
ReplyDeletehttp://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/mourning.php
Oh I have always loved that poem. Thank you for the reminder. :)
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