Here is another little something for the create aim of my blog.
It is called a French fry. It looks like a French fry—but alas, it is not a French fry.
In the same way that Skype is almost like seeing people from back home, the toilets are seemingly functional, and English hopes to be standardized among English speakers across the globe—a French fry is just not a French fry here in McLeod Ganj, because, well, it is just not home.
This has been one of the largest frustrations I’ve had with this location for a field study. Maybe it is because I keep comparing it to Ghana (which I recognize is a bad move—apples and oranges), but I have found that living in a village without the possibility of such luxuries is easier to stomach than having the possibility of them taunting you—posing as something familiar, but in reality, being more foreign than you could ever imagine. I have no problem with being in unfamiliar territory and living without French fries, cell phones, hot showers, flushing toilets, and electricity for months or years of my life, but why are they pestering me here?
In “Street Hauntings,” a personal essay by Virginia Woolf, she identifies with a moth batting at flames or a light bulb—constantly trying to get to the core, but always condemned an outsider. I can’t help but feel I can also relate in this moment. Last night I was keenly aware of it.
I got home later than usual and decided to sit in the back room with my host sisters to watch some of their Hindi soap operas. Bonding time. I tried to squat next to them. One sister insisted that I take her seat cushion. I wouldn’t take it. Neither did she. It stayed on the floor between us.
She then changed the channel to an English speaking movie—National Treasure of all the terrible movies. I told her that I wanted to watch the soap opera with her, but English movie it was. She left the room a few minutes later.
I don’t bother offering to help with the dishes anymore. I get that that is a “no go,” but as I sat my dish in the sink and expressed my gratitude my other host sister said, “please, stop being so grateful.” She meant it too.
I went back to my room—my own room, away from where the whole family sleeps together. A guest in the house.
I wouldn’t call it frustration, but some close relative. It very could well be that I am in the irritability stage of culture shock. I guess my question is can you ever really be a part of a host culture and not “go native?” It is called an experience, it looks like an experience, but is it just a posing french fry? As outsiders, do we only get to taste it in moments? Can you ever touch the flame?
Virginia
Perhaps I need to just get over “thank yous” and French fries and discover, adapt, to experience something different. Something better.
Great questions, Rach. It reminds me a lot of some of my own struggles in Ghana to really "fit in." I felt there were glimpses of it--like when Emmanuel told me I act "more African" and could convince people I had African parents or when the headmaster at Salvation said that I was "more or less" one of them. In the end though, it was always just that, I was "more or less" one of them. I *acted* more African. In the end, I always knew I wasn't. I didn't speak Twi (that was a big isolator for me--I couldn't join in on the chitchat) and I didn't have a clue about most local traditions or ways of thinking. As my friends began to share more of their personal lives with me I felt trusted but also keenly aware of the fact that I didn't know how to handle such problems appropriately in the setting. While we felt a great love and sense of friendship for each other, I was still the obruni that was leaving in August. In such a short period of time I think it's hard to reach more than tastes.
ReplyDeleteWell, after almost two and a half years in India for me...you just have to find out where you fit in as a foreigner
ReplyDeletei don't know if McLeod Ganj is different because of how touristy it is, and well, now that I think about it, my only international experience is India, so maybe this does not apply anywhere else
(knowingly gentle): but my experience is that you are a foreigner. You will never "belong" here. I mean, I have read this desire from you and others I have travelled with, people whose blogs I have followed, and in anthropology texts from the few classes I have taken
(mild amusement/annoyance):People keep trying to express that. I do not know. To me that seems like such a bizarre thing to want. I am American. I can never change that. Even if I went to England, it is who I am. In India you are born to the religion and caste you are and that is that.
(concerned admonishment): And when I say you will never "belong," that sounds way more harsh and final than I mean it to. I feel like I belong here. I love this country. The traffic and food and people and arguments and bargaining feel fairly natural. But I am not a native. I will never fully understand their experience, but I can get close. I personally, with my limited experience, believe that you just have to accept that you will never be Indian or whatever culture and then fitting in will become easier. Honestly, trying to "go native" seems like an extremely arrogant and American force-our-cutlure-down-your-throat thing to do.
(neutral aside): Like you could ever really understand what it is like to grow up in a one room house cooking over an open flame going to a school with every other grade where the teacher may or may not show up where cameras and computers are extreme luxury items and traveling to the next state is the trip of a lifetime.
"Foreigner" is a completely normal and acceptable place to belong. It is a legitimate part of every culture. The sucky part is that, no, you never belong belong as someone born here does, but the awesome part is that it gives you a bit of leeway to push things like "thank you" and doing the dishes
but you have to accustom yourself to the culture first so you know when to pull your punches and when to go all out
you get to the point where you can start to play with the natives with culture. Once you understand the privileges and penalties associated with being the the foreigner class, I think you do actually belong and enter the "core."
The thing is, most foreigners do not because everyone travels so much. That also does not make sense to me. You can go see the world, but in exchange, the price you pay is that you will never really ever get to know any country and you will never really belong anywhere but your native place. You will make friends here and there and perhaps come back to visit, but you will always be truly foreign.
That is if you do not mind my opinion as a random internet person, haha.
I can totally sympathize, I felt the same way when I went to Taiwan this winter, and I've been going there every few years since I was born! There was one night when I was in a shoe store and my friend was talking to the salesperson for me and apologized 3 times just for asking if they had a certain shoe in my size and I realized I really don't know this culture at all. I know the "guest" culture inside and out - like how we are given three times as much food as my cousins, how they give stuff to us everytime we visit them. But I don't know what it's like to be a normal Taiwanese person, I only know how to be the relative visiting from America.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason this brings to mind something I learned about ancient Greek culture, I don't know if this is applicable here or not but it might be helpful - they saw the guest-host relationship as a sacred relationship. Even though it may be frustrating to us that they don't just treat us as one of them, who knows, it might be the sort of thing where the culture expects them to honor guests to the degree that they would feel ashamed for just treating you as "one of them." Even people like me, who are part of their own family!
But that doesn't mean that you can't still experience the culture, you know? You'll probably never know what it's like to wash dishes in India, but that's just a small part of the full experience. I think observation and asking natives about their experiences can tell you a great deal about the culture, just watching how people act and treat each other, listening to stories, etc. Because we're always going to be treated differently, as foreigners. Can foreign exchange students who come to the US really get the "native" experience? Not really, but I think if they ask the right questions and try to understand the different worldview we have, they can get a pretty darn good idea of what it's like.
Even then, everyone's experiences are different, every "native" is going to have different things about them that make them more or less "native" or typical as an Indian person, so don't be too hard on yourself, just... absorb.
Anyways, I've never studied world cultures or anything so I'm not sure if anything I've said might be totally wrong. ^_^* But don't get discouraged Rach, I know it's frustrating but just do what you can, and have fun! :)
Rachel- thank you for your response! I remember Emanuel telling you that. Language was definitely the largest barrier I think we both found in trying to fit into the host culture. Time was a big one too… I should think more about that. In fact, I should try to pick up more Tibetan language phrases. That could help.
ReplyDeleteRem- I’d like to hear a lot more about your experiences. Do you have your own blog? You are right about me always being a foreigner and outsider, I’m just wondering if there are ever opportunities when we are ever really accepted for even just brief moments. I appreciated your comments! You really do have some great insights and I welcome your feedback. Thank you.
Jinny- We never got a chance to talk about your experience in Taiwan but your personal story was really helpful. In India the big thing is that “guests are gods.” It sounds like for you, even being a family member, they appreciate playing host. We just come from a pretty independent paradigm that probably clashes a lot with that. I should not be so offended by it…
On a happy note, I want you all to know that my host family let me help make dinner for the first time! It was one of the highs of my trip. Maybe I just have to put forth more effort and show my family that I really am invested in this experience, for whatever it is worth.
i have some blogs...but i started them to placate family mostly
ReplyDeleteinitially i planned to get on here more, but i find myself not really sticking
i use lj mostly
but that is super private and requires more commitment than your typical social network person is willing to give